he can appear as an angel of light

today i realized there is no helping you
u use God as a symbol of your power
you lost your way long ago
i remember u watching & reading horror, death, suffering and all perversions of the world
u would take it on as your mindset and live in it for ages
i think that's when you lost your soul
because when u tried to find God all that you had to offer him was a heart full of hatred & stubbornness
you never humbled yourself and asked forgiveness
so instead you enticed badness & conjured up this spiritualistic form of worship
for a long time you were abusive and miserable and loved to spread it around
now you wear a halo that you put on yourself
i have to admit you are calm and agreeable now.. so unlike you
because you are now a shell filled with someone or something else
something evil



Hoping you will write me back.
Then I'll own a piece of you not everyone possesses.
The way you curl your M's as complex as your presence.
Careless capital R's in the middle of words make me smile reminiscing.
Buried deep in my dresser drawer, I'll treasure.
Only memories now of tortuous pleasure.


Love Teaches Me... Sonnet by Vittoria Colonna

Love teaches me to feed on flames and tears;
to turn withered hope green through desire;
to re-enslave my heart each time Love frees
his noble face from that heavy disdain;

Love also teaches me to bear his weight
when I dream he's there alluring, touching
me, and in the sweet encounter the pain's
gone and my beloved enjoys my languors;

Sweet are these tears, delicious this passion.
How is this--that I have lost all hope saves
me--in the back of my mind the sense I

can renounce the desire coursing through
my body--that people honor torment
when you smile serenely. Thus Love teaches me ..


break things in the house, put holes in the walls or doors, beat her with an object, threaten to throw heavy furniture at her, twist her wrists, bend her fingers back, pull her hair out, push her, slam her against the wall, choke her, kick her about the floor, call her ugly, call her fat, call her useless, tell her nobody loves or likes her, tell her she's a whore... the next day, write her a note that you're sorry. If she doesn't accept your apology, repeat process...


I wanted other things

"One day you're there
and then all of a sudden
there's less of you.
And you wonder where that part went.
If it's living somewhere outside of you...
and you keep thinking... maybe you'll get it back.
And then you realize... it's just gone."
~Peggy; Meditations in an Emergency episode from Mad Men


you are asleep
talking as usual
I cant make out what's being said
but I imagine you're thanking me for
all that i do for you and telling me how
gorgeous i am to you still


(no subject)

Feeling alot feeling almost nothing
How'd I get here
I was so young.. time just slips..
holding on to what's left of my beauty is not an easy thing to admit.
If I think too long, It deepens my worry.
I am not the naive girl I used to be.
I wouldn't dare let a man own my peace.
I wouldn't dare blame God, ever.
I would never again have a dangerous
time. I will always think before
jumping. I will always feel gratitude.
my heart is young.
I feel soo much.



The narcissist enjoys being looked at and not looking back.
~ Mason Cooley

Nobody can be kinder than the narcissist, while you react to life in his own terms.
~ Bowen, Elizabeth

Withhold admiration from a narcissist and be disliked.
Give it and be treated with indifference.
~ Mason Cooley

Dear egotist boy you’ve never really had to suffer any consequence
You’ve never stayed with anyone longer than ten minutes
You’d never understand anyone showing resistance
Dear popular boy I know you’re used to getting everything so easily
A stranger to the concept of reciprocity
People honor boys like you in this society
~ Alanis Morissette
  • Current Mood: exhausted exhausted

Caring is Creepy

It's a luscious mix of words and tricks
That let us bet
When you know we should've folded

On rocks i dreamt of where we'd stepped
And the whole mess of roads we're now on.

Hold your glass up, hold it in
Never betray the way you've always known it is.

One day I'll be wondering how
I got so old just wondering how

(Lyrics from) The Shins